I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
