Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He uses pillows to masturbate.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize