Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
