the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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