U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
