this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
BRING THE BAGELS
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize