i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
