He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
