im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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