Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Less talking, more tequila
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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