I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
