do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
