Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
