dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
