Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
