Porn is love you can see.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
