so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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