i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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