omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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