Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
