his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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