ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize