I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize