East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
