I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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