I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
