Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
