You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize