I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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