I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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