i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
