I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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