you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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