was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
