Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
