We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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