And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
