11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
