I think I won the penis lottery.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
