Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
