I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
