fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
