I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i believe in u and ur pee
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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