Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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