At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We left the knife in your bed.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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