Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize