Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
