i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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