So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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