i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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