i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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