you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize