my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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