i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
