Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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