She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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