Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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