Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
