i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
