If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
