he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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