Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
