so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
