i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
