now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
