Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
