hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
