I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
