He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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