You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
