I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
