You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
