All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
honey bunches of taint.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You've changed since you got that strap on
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
