Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
