If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
