yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
