Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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