eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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