Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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