Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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