She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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