I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
