I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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