your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I love you. Go after that dick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
