All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
