Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
