I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dicks are not precious.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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